Tired as a Mother

I think there is a misconception of what motherhood looks like. On television, magazines, parenting books, and pretty much in every mother to be. Every pregnant woman is thinking they are going to glow and glisten like a rainbow. And some women get to experience that. However, the reality of it is, you're going to eventually look like a fat lard and there is nothing you can do about it. You are growing a fuckin human being. After the first five months it goes down hill. Your energy is gone and you will no longer be able to lay on your back without feeling like Franklin the Turtle. You won't be able to see your snatch. You no longer have ankles and you will piss on yourself at least once… a day. That's not even the best part. Soon enough that little thing will be kicking your bladder, sitting on a nerve, and giving you heart burn. You will google at least once “can I overdose on tums” Soon your due date will come and go and you will think of alternative methods to have the child. Castor oil will cross your mind. And let me just tell you… as many times as you find on google that it works… it doesn't. You will shit your pretty little brains out. You will vomit and guess what.. you will not have your baby. When you finally do have the baby.. you will not be elegant you will be a sleep deprived new mother. And that looks even better than what you're going to eventually get to. Then the baby hood you aren't going to sleep and as much as you are keeping yourself together eventually it will stop. Because what motherhood looks like is fucked up hair, usually in a bun, shirts that you think are clean but later on you find out there is a jolly rancher stuck to the back of it. Pants with snot and boogers. Bras that have to be titty baby capable. Granny panties because nothing else fuckin matters and they are comfortable. After having four kids stuck up my ass the last thing I need is a pair of lace thongs shoved up there too. Motherhood is never being on time. Motherhood is having a fucked up car. Motherhood is having finger prints on all the walls. Motherhood is waking up to a piss soaked bed because your kid snuck in bed in the middle of the night. Motherhood is never finishing a phone conversation. Motherhood is avoiding the car carts at the grocery store. Motherhood is threatening small children. Motherhood is eating your kids leftovers. Motherhood is finding an old sippy cup full of milk and the face that follows after. Motherhood is making sure your kid is involved in everything and wanting to punch every other person that says your kid is bad at something. Motherhood is not sleeping. Motherhood is watching YouTube videos of fuckin annoying ass cartoons. Motherhood is having a drawer full of unmatched socks. Motherhood is never pissing alone. Motherhood is hearing mom a thousand times a day. Motherhood is making up where others lack. Motherhood is making mom friends so your kids have friends. Motherhood is taking a thousand pictures. Motherhood is a job that doesn't pay. Motherhood is fuckin hard. It's the hardest fuckin job because after you do all the above your child will find something you did not do. You will grab the wrong pop tart. You will forget pajama day. You will forget the fuckin permission slip. You won't be able to participate in the bake sale and you may or may not call your kid other names under your breathe. But as I sit here and write this my seven year old is sick with the flu and guess who took off work? 

My daughter is playing with her tablet that Santa had to late deliver because he broke the other one in his sleigh. Guess who made up that excuse when I seen her devastated look? 

My four year old son happily peaks his head into my room and says “Mom I love you” every ten minutes. 

And my two year old is running around with a pull up. 

We all have our weaknesses. 

We all want to crawl up in bed and do nothing. 

But we can’t. Because we’re moms.  Motherhood isn't for weak ass bitches. Motherhood is for fuckin warriors.