Your Child’s Behavior is a Reflection of Your Parenting
Now this title is a little vague but in a way it is pretty direct. It’s normal for your child to act a fool. It’s normal for your kid to throw tantrums. It’s even normal for them to have total melt downs and we as parents have no clue why. We don’t know what to do and most of the time we are flat out embarrassed. However, when your child is acting out in anger and just plain out being a bad ass, and you don’t do anything about it, everything in the future they do that is bad behavior is in fact your fault.
My behavior experience has went back to when my first son was two and he was off the chain. He would do things such as push his sister who was an infant on the ground, throw toys, and do the complete opposite of what you said. Some say it’s an age thing, but I knew that if I didn’t do something about his behavior I would have one of those kids on the Maury show. At first his father and I tried time out, one minute for his age. It ended up being exhausting because he was doing so much bad shit we were also sitting in time out with him the majority of the day. Then we tried time in where we would calm him down with a sensory bottle and sit with him. It ended up turning into a play time for him and he was doing even more bad shit. Then we resorted to smacking his butt... that was just not happening. I felt awful and his dad felt awful. So that didn’t happen for more than a day. Then I finally was convinced he had a behavioral problem so we went to the pediatrician and he introduced me to 1.2.3 Magic. It’s a book. READ IT! It worked wonders. I’m talking a complete 180 and it only took a couple weeks of consistency and Arsyn was a completely different kid. Now flash forward a few years where now I have a 7, 5, almost 5, and 2 year old. My situation had changed to where the fathers of my children and I are no longer together and we have to co-parent to punish. Now my ex husband as worked wonders on my two sons. They are well behaved for the most part with him. Even my oldest is behaved for me... but my almost five year old has been having issues. Some has to do with daycare. He’s around a couple kids who’s behavior is straight up awful. I mean they remind me of when I worked in corrections. And my son has picked up some of that behavior as well as his own. He is pretty much in this “I don’t give a fuck about anything.” Knocking over laundry baskets, throwing tantrums, being told not to do something then doing it anyway, and 1,2,3 Magic isn’t doing anything to him. If you read the book it is about giving 1,2,3 warnings then placing the child in their room and shutting the door for how ever many minutes then releasing them. No explanation no comfort. Well, I’ve tried that. And he beats the door until I release him. The pediatrician and book said the hitting the door is suppose to go away, but it never did. So, he’s been in time out A LOT. And it’s been working. So I thought. He sits in the corner, but he isn’t learning from it. Well this behavior has gotten so bad that I got a call from school. He was kicking the teacher, the desks, and causing chaos in the classroom. He had the audacity to tell his teacher he wouldn’t be in trouble. I got a call from daycare to pick him up. That is how bad he was being. So I had my husband bring him to me at my job. His father and I communicated and came to the agreement he would be grounded for the weekend and the next week if he had another incident he would not be getting a birthday party. And his father decided to make him clean. Clean everything instead of playing. He doesn’t deserve to be able to play. He deserves to be thinking about his behavior. The next day I called daycare and he had a good day. I received a message from the daycare director thanking me for handling his behavior and not placing blame on anyone else.
We took care of his behavior.
We were proactive. That is what parenting is. Correcting bad behavior. Praising good behavior. Raising kids that are going to be one day adults. We have to teach them right and wrong. We have to teach them manners. We have to teach them to be loving, strong, and independent. We have to teach our kids that there are consequences for their actions because that is how the world works. If our children were doing things that they are doing now as adults they would go to JAIL. My kid kicking his teacher is Assault. My kid causing chaos in his classroom is Disorderly Conduct and Terroristic Threatening. As an adult he could be in serious trouble for those things! Not doing anything about these behaviors as children just causes more problems in the future. Ignoring their behavior does nothing. Not having consequences for their actions does nothing. If anything it causes more problems. Because the other parents at daycare are not correcting their children’s behavior my child is mocking some of it. I’m not saying beat your child. I’m not saying they should be grounded for being kids and making mistakes. But they need to have consequences for their actions. Otherwise, you one day may be the parent on Maury.
Kids aren’t perfect they are going to do silly things. We as parents are not perfect either. Sometimes I don’t want to deal with bad behavior when I’ve worked all day, but it has to be done. Letting things slip gives your children the impression they can keep doing it. Hence why my child didn’t think he would be in trouble.
That is completely my fault.
We need to communicate to one another about things that work and don’t work. Every child is different but taking advice from others makes you feel a little less crazy.
You’re not the only one dealing with behavioral problems.
It gets better. I promise