To The Man Helping Raise Kids Who Aren’t “Yours”
When I got out of my last relationship I swore to myself a few things 1. I would never be with anyone who wasn’t good enough for my children again. 2. I would never date anyone else with children Number one was a result of my children not getting the time and attention they needed from me. I was wrapped up in a toxic relationship. I felt defeated and broken. My kids saw me cry more times than they should have. When I built enough strength to get out I swore it would never happen again. Number two was a result of just not wanting to raise someone else’s children. I know that’s selfish, but for me, it was realistic. It was a personal choice on my part. When I made that commitment to myself I knew it would be difficult to find anyone willing to put up with my children, my baby daddy drama, and a life with four children.
I had accepted that I would be alone forever. Until, my best friend. Our story goes back a long while ago. Literally everything that happened in our lives was for a reason. I whole heartedly believe that. If something would have went the opposite we wouldn’t be where we are today. He does not have children and knew my story. Knew what I came with. Knew about my hardships. Knew almost everything about me. He knew what he would be taking on. If he weren’t serious I don’t think he would have even tried in the first place. I’m talking best friend. Talked all day and night. We were there for each other for relationship problems, personal problems, and just talking about random things.
Why would someone want to throw that away for a fling? Eight months after we started our relationship We got married. I really don’t think he knew what he was getting himself into with my children. I see him struggle not knowing what to do sometimes. I see him wake up frustrated because the kids are in the other room screaming “poop” as loud as they can. I see him answer the same question over and over again trying not to crack. This is all new for him. I don’t think we take into consideration the life we are expecting our significant others to have to have because we have children. They give up a lot being with you. Without you they could sleep in, they could have personal items without them being destroyed. They could have their own life. But the things they have gained are also remarkable. They hear first words, see first accomplishments, they see your children grow, and they see you in your most maternal attributes and may love you more. So this goes out to my husband and others who are helping raise someone else’s children. I know you get frustrated. I know you don’t understand why my kids do the things they do. I know sometimes you consider what your life would be like without children. I know sometimes you miss life without children, as do I. Nothing is wrong with that. I know you miss your things being organized. I know you miss not having to take in kids everywhere you go. But, I want to thank you for everything you do. I want to thank you for cooking dinner when you know I’ve had a rough day. I want to thank you for getting up and down from the table when the kids want a drink, I want to thank you for going to football games, birthday parties, and school activities. I want to thank you for helping with homework, putting toys together, helping with baths and bed time. I want to thank you for giving me a chance even though I am a packaged deal. I want to apologize for making life a little harder. You have no idea the impact you have on my kids lives. My mind is at ease knowing I have you and my kids have you. You have no idea how important you accepting my children as yours is. It means everything. You’re everything. When you want to scream I feel your pain. Just know that you’re needed. You’re wanted. You’re apart of our family. You’re a role model. You’re their step father and I love you more every day for what you do.