One day You Will be a Mother-In-Law

I always see a lot of jokes about mother-In-laws and how they’ve done some God awful thing to the woman married to their son. Comments about the food the daughter-in-law is making, the way they should be taking care of their son, or about some terrible thing she said. 

Ladies, one day your son or daughter will marry... and you will be a mother-in-law. Think about it? Some other  man or woman will be responsible for loving your child, feeding your child, and have the hold of your child’s heart. Doesn’t that sound scary? Especially when you don’t know if that person is going to break your child’s heart, take care of them the way you do, or ever love them the way you do. 

To mothers it will never happen. There is nobody on this Earth who will ever love my children the way that I love them. But one day, my sons and daughter will find someone they want to marry and make babies with. Just like you chose someone to do the same with. How do you think your husband’s mother feels? 

Now... I’ve had my share of “bad” mother-in-laws. I’ve been married twice. My first husband’s mother did not want to cut the cord. When he moved out she was at our apartment almost every week. I was totally rude and told my husband at the time that he needed to create some space because he was growing up and she needed to let go. Throughout our relationship she continued to treat me badly. With remarks about how I was nursing our son(her grandson), how I needed to take it easy on her son because he was going through a hard time with his depression, or made me feel like I was constantly in competition with her. I took her wrong and was very hostile towards her. I resented everything she said. I resented him because he had a close bond with his mother that I never had with my mother. She genuinely cared. She cared for her son’s well being and I was just jealous.  Then we separated. And she was there for him when he moved out. She was there for him through our divorce. I still felt some sort of way because as much as I wanted to work on our marriage I felt like she was sitting in his corner telling him not to. In the end she was right to stand by her son’s side. I would have been standing by my son.  I never realized how amazing of a mother she was until after she tragically died. She was my son’s grandmother. She was always there for them, my ex husband, and myself. She was there. She cared and loved her child. 

Because she was his mother.

I felt guilt because I had treated her so poorly. I wanted to separate her from her son. I was selfish. Now, he’s permanently separated from her and there could have been more times he could have been with her that I took because I felt she was being jealous.  If that were my son.... I would have ripped my own hair out. I’m remarried and I have another mother-in-law. She is probably one of the most hard working people I have ever met. She is a pusher of my husband. She wants to see his potential. The same as I want to see my son’s and daughter’s potential. When I need advice on my husband she is the first person I ask because she is his mother. She knows him better than anyone. 

I have more respect for her because she is why my husband is here more ways than one. 

Mother-in-laws know their children better than anyone. They’ve nursed them, changed their diapers, raised them, taught them morals and values, and like all mothers alike, they want what is best for their child. So if you aren’t being the best for their child then expect them to be assholes to you. Wouldn’t you do the same?  

If you knew that your son’s wife or daughter’s husband wasn’t taking care of your child or was hurting your child wouldn’t you call them out on it? 

I know that some mother-in-laws will make sly remarks about petty things that sometimes are uncalled for, but maybe they are just a little bit jealous of you. They raised your husband. They took care of your husband. They are your husband’s MOTHER. Then you came along and took a piece of their heart. 

I’m going to say that I’m probably going to be devastated when my son finds The One because I’ve always been The One. I remember my son telling me he wants to marry me and one day he will realize he can’t and his heart will open to someone else. 

I feel like we should be looking at things from their point of view and not assuming they are out to get us because one day that person you hate will be you.

Just because your husband grew up and got older does not mean they stopped being a mother to your husband. 

A mother’s job is never complete.

A mother never goes away and that’s something we all need to accept.