The Truth about Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is made out to be this bonding experience, the healthier route, and the best choice for your baby. All of this is true, however, it’s fuckin hard. I am an advocate of breastfeeding. I nursed my first son for 26 months, my second son for 14 months and my third son for 16 months. When I got my daughter she received donor milk for the first six months. Don’t let that turn you off of this post. You might be thinking
“oh this bitch is about to make me feel terrible for formula feeding my child” No. I’m not.
Feeding your baby is the most important thing no matter how you do it. Moms who formula feed receive so much scrutiny for choosing formula over breast feeding.
There are reasons behind their choice. It could be because they couldn’t nurse, they had complications, or because they simply didn’t want to. Nobody should question a mother’s choice because breastfeeding is a full time, hard ass job, and there are realities that come with it that may have turned people away from breastfeeding. If I would have been given a glimpse of what I was going to endure during breastfeeding I may have considered the alternate route. I, however, weighed out the benefits of breastfeeding and I chose to do it for all my children. I don’t regret it however, it wasn’t easy and this post is about why it was so hard. The First Latch You’ve had your baby and the instinct thing for a baby is to want to nurse. However, you’re doped up on meds and have no fuckin idea what you’re doing. You try your hardest and you just can’t get the baby on there. Nurses try to help and even lactation consultants come in. They offer you a nipple shield. They tell you to hold your baby in uncomfortable ways. It’s a mess. As uncomfortable as you once were of everyone seeing your nip naps that goes out the window. You’ve been groped by everyone in the hospital just to get your baby to eat and your milk isn’t even in! When your milk isn’t in you’re scared because you think something is wrong. It’s nature right? Well the doctors aren’t on nature’s schedule. They are telling you your baby is losing weight and if your milk isn’t in then you are going to have to feed your baby a bottle of formula. So they bring you an industrial sized pump. Which anyone who has experience with breast feeding pumping isn’t the natural way to make your milk come in. Skin to skin and constant latching is where it’s at. Doctors don’t have time for that. They need to milk your utters and get you on your way.
So you’re attaching this thing to your boobs. Feeling like a cow. It’s not working. You’re scared. Something is wrong. You want to shower. You want to see your vagina you haven’t seen in months. You already feel like you’re failing as a mother. And then... hours later. Your milk comes in! And your boobs feel like they are going to absolutely bust from your chest. I remember when my milk came in and I just wanted it to come all the way out. My son was too young to take all that I was producing so I was so engorged. I had to milk myself. When I did the feeling was better than any orgasm I had ever had. The relief! All on Your Own Just when you feel like you’re getting it. You’re released from the hospital. All on your own. Now when I had my first son the lactation consultants were on speed dial. I was afraid my son wasn’t eating enough, he wasn’t gaining weight, and everything else that could be wrong. Not to mention... when you’re breastfeeding you’re primarily doing everything on your own. The father can’t do much because once you nurse the baby usually shits up a storm. Usually an explosion full of yellow seeds and it’s just more convenient for you to do it. When the baby wakes up you are the walking milk carton so who’s feeding the baby? You. Sure, you could pump... but who wants to hook up tubes and a machine in the middle of the night? Not me. I was lazy... I co-slept so I could just pop out the ta-ta and latch the baby and go right back to sleep.
Work smarter not harder.
Judge me. Back to Work So a few months go by... and you’ve got this breastfeeding thing down. Then if you’re like me you go back to work. Now there are laws that protect you to pump while you work. However, not all places have accommodated your needs. I have pumped everywhere from a utility closet, an office with windows, and a jail medical unit with inmates on the other side of the wall. It’s uncomfortable. It’s stressful. And sometimes it can be embarrassing depending on what you do for work. I have had comments made to me about milking myself. I’ve leaked through my shirt in a room full of male inmates. I’ve been humiliated. My milk production slowed down. Pumping at work is stressful. Getting Comfortable... not Now a few more months go by and your child becomes a distracted eater. They nurse for a few minutes then pull away. Milk sprays. My son would smack my chest and twiddle with my other nipple... I hated it. He also was a biter. He bit the shit out of me. It’s reflex to want to smack whatever is chewing your nipple off but you look down and just see your baby and you endure the pain. I’ve had bloody nipples. I’ve had scratch marks from my son’s nails. I have smelled like spoiled milk. I have leaked through my shirt. You name it and it’s happened. Nursing in Public When people talk about nursing in public I feel like that’s the least of my worries compared to everything else. I’ve been kicked out of places for simply feeding my child. I’ve been told to cover up. I’ve been asked to go to the bathroom. If you know me... my reaction is a simple “no” or “fuck off” I’m not about to deal with people’s ignorance while I’m trying to feed my child. I’ve already went through enough. It’s not easy or comfortable nursing in public because people are assholes, but damnit I’m going to do it because breastfeeding is natural and it’s a right for a child to eat. I won’t even go into the “do you cover up when you eat” and people comparing breast feeding to shitting. It’s pure ignorance and immaturity. Simple as that. When are you going to wean!? Now my kids were all over one when I stopped nursing. My oldest was over 2. I always got questioned when I was going to wean...
Just do yourself a favor and save the ass chewing.
Do you think that I like that my kid just comes over to me and raised my shirt in public? Do you think that I am comfortable with my son putting his hand down my shirt?
No. I’m not.
I wanted to wean my first son. He wasn’t having it. It was miserable trying to wean him while being pregnant with my second son. He had a nervous breakdown and I immediately felt guilt. I felt like I was being selfish so I continued to nurse until he eventually self weaned. My second son I wasn’t ready. His dad was ready for him to be off of me because we were co-sleeping and he felt that if he started the weaning process he would be out of our bed. He was right. He gave him a bottle of almond milk and he was done with me. I was upset and I still had milk. I had to pump it out until I eventually dried up. My third son was biting me and I just ready for him to wean. His father and I were separated and he would be going over his house so I couldn’t nurse him all the time anyway. He weaned within a few weeks and it was pretty easy. The After Effect I was free at last. A total of 4.75 years of my life was breastfeeding. Then... my boobs shrank. They weren’t as full and I became a little self conscious with my boobs. They were used for their purpose, but it’s not like they only come out when they’re needed. You’re stuck with those Mom tits for the rest of your life. For a while I was ashamed, but I’m fortunate and have no issues now with my husband loving me for the way I am fortunate. Other woman may not get over their self consciousness.
There are a lot of benefits to breastfeeding. There is a time where you are comfortable and getting your baby on a schedule. You known their cues. You can schedule your life around their nursing schedule. Getting to that point is hard. It’s hard to stick out something that is so difficult and forever changing.
I think some moms feel like they are better than other moms because they chose to nurse. You aren’t any better. You just aren’t. Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. Being an experienced breast feeder I can understand why some moms simply don’t want to nurse. And that’s ok. Moms who are advocates of nursing seem to push others away from supporting breastfeeding. There is this mentality that they are better and there are constant mommy wars between breast feeding moms and moms who chose formula.
We shouldn’t be battling one another.
We should be supporting one another.