Just Not Your Regular PTA Mom
When I first had children I thought about what kind of mom I was going to be. I had my mind set on being the Mom signing her child up for everything, participating in all of the fundraisers, being active in the schools, maybe even joining the PTA.
Then... I had multiple kids before my first son was even in kindergarten and things changed.
My son goes to the same elementary school I did in fourth and fifth grade. I thought I would get out of the town I grew up in, but they offered all day kindergarten which was a HUGE deal (one kid less in daycare)
The school is not number one rated in the state, but I love the principal and the teachers are great. Being in school for education I see the passion that these teachers have for the students.
One of my favorite things they have is Class Dojo. It’s an app that tells me if he’s grounded or not. The teacher can communicate over this app to my phone on my child’s behavior all day long. I can message her immediately and ask her why my kid got a bad dojo, I can see homework, and pretty much everything.
Well, I was notified on my fancy app that his school was having a breakfast for moms. At 7:00am…
So I’m thinking to myself
“7:00am what the fuuucckkk, well I should go”
I don’t mind having breakfast with my kid at school. He really wanted me to go and my husband was going to be asleep with the other kids. So why not.
On the other hand I don’t want to be that Mom that doesn’t show up for shit. My mom never signed up to be a volunteer. She never wanted to do fundraisers. I specifically remember telling her to not have breakfast with me.
It may not have been her.
I was probably just an asshole.
I want to be invested in my child’s education. I completed a seven week program to figure out how to nail some scholarship money for my child because well, I got four kids and one of them are wiping my ass when I’m old or sending me to a boss ass nursing home so college here we come.
I decide to go. Maybe I will meet some Mom friends?
So I set my alarm for this thing. 6:30am. I don’t make myself any coffee because well I’m thinking it’s Mom breakfast, they gotta have coffee. I wear a long dress, hair in a bun, and no make up. I mean who really is going to care right? We’re at an elementary school and I’m probably going to be the only one going.
So my son and I show up and I’m overwhelmed with how many moms are actually there. I mean fuck I didn’t know there were other crazy ass moms like myself. Waking up early as fuck for a tiny bagel and carton of milk.
And No fuckin coffee.
We sit down. I start thinking of the flyer I was sent by the faculty
“have some breakfast and mingle with other moms”
Haha mingle!!
I have never seen so many females avoid conversation with one another in my life. I mean these moms were watching their children eat like it was their first bite. All to avoid a conversation with another Mom. I’m sitting here eating my tiny ass bagel on my styrofoam plate looking at all these moms spoon feeding their 8 year olds and I notice that these bitches are wearing make up and like actually put themselves together for this event. I mean it could be because they’re headed to work before this little mingle event, but I know a few of these moms and I know they don’t dress up like that... ever. So I’m now on the scope for another ratchet mom like myself. Someone thinking that they were going to be the only one, someone trying to pull their shit together, and I realize I’m either the only one or there is one in this mess of moms who have a really good front. So we finish and I walk my son over to where he sits for his teacher to pick him up. I ask my son if he had any friends who were here thinking like hey I can make a Mom friend for my kid and have a future play date or something.
But I just couldn’t find anyone willing to make a conversation.
Some of these moms aren’t here for their kid. They’re here for the image that they are good moms. They’re here to make sure they can say
“yeah I had breakfast with my kid”.
They put a pound of makeup on their faces and woke up extra early just to do it.
But why? Why do so much work to have breakfast with your child?
Moms have so much pressure on themselves because of how school, social media, and other moms make them feel. If you aren’t showing up to Mom club then you aren’t a good mom. If you aren’t PTA then GTFO. If you aren’t baking gluten free, peanut free, soy free, dairy free brownies for the bake sale then you aren’t a good mom.
Nobody can just have breakfast with their kid anymore without trying to prove something.
I took a picture of my son gave him a kiss and went home and thought about why other moms went. Maybe they thought they’d make a Mom friend out of it.
Maybe they thought it would make them look more involved.
Maybe they just wanted to have a fuckin bagel with their kid like I did.
Maybe they didn’t want to disappoint their child.
What ever their reasons were no mother should feel pressure from their school to have to show up for things. No Mom should feel like they have to impress other moms for acceptance in Mom club. All moms are just trying to be fuckin moms here and not all of us can show up at 7 am to have breakfast with their kid at school in front of everyone. My son and I have breakfast every morning. We sing songs on the way to school and I tell him every morning I love him and to have a wonderful day while I pull up in my Mom van, trash rolling out of the door as he opens it, me with no bra on and a cup of coffee spilling all over myself as I wave to the principal and drive off.
That’s fuckin mom life guys. Some people have the wrong impression of what being a good mom means or looks like.
There was no “How to” book on how to be a good mom we just try our best and still feel guilty when we can’t do it all. We want to. We want to go to all the field trips. We want to do the fundraisers so our kid can win a limo ride to Mxdonalds. We want everything for our kids. It’s just hard to be fifty places at once. It’s hard to time manage a job and kids and work and all the extra.
My point is do not feel pressured for not attending every little thing. Don’t feel like you need to prove yourself.
You’re doing an amazing job.