To the Woman Around My Sons

Not being with the person you have children with is all too common in today’s society. It’s unfortunate. Parents fight and argue about who they want their children to be around. Mothers in particular are very insecure about another woman being around their child. Maybe because they think that woman will try to take their place. Maybe because you still want to be with your child’s father or maybe you just aren’t ready to allow someone to love your child. I’ve been there. It was never about being jealous. It was never about wanting to still be with their father. It was about someone else loving my sons. It was about me missing things that the other woman would do, like kiss boo-boos, read bed time stories, or see something for the first time. When my youngest son’s father and I separated he was still a baby and the situation was very bitter. I was afraid my son would forget I was his mother. I was afraid his father would try to replace me. My fears were unrealistic. They weren’t fair. Mothers cannot expect their exes to spare their feelings and be alone forever so their children aren’t around other woman. Mothers have to stop saying “keep that bitch away from my kid” why are they a bitch? What did they do to you other than be with your ex? What did they do other than be around your child? If mothers go around acting like this when there is a potentially good female role model around and you’re causing drama that person will disappear. You may be stuck with someone you don’t want your child to be around. Someone who does over step their boundaries. Someone who is the evil step mother from Cinderella. I think we all think that will happen in the back of our heads. That our children will be used as slaves or are treated poorly. Those situations I’m sure happen. However, when that woman decided to date the father of your child they knew what they were getting into. They knew the responsibility they would be taking on. They knew at one point in time they would have to talk to you. So it’s up to mothers to be respectful especially for their children. Be mature adults. Your attitude will reflect on your children. Your children will show a lack of respect for that person if you do. 

Like I said. I am not by any means innocent, however, I have matured drastically and I have written below something that needs to be known to whoever is around my sons: I will be bitter at first. I will envy the time you have with them because I’m not there. I will question you, not because I’m jealous, but because I want to make sure you have the same intentions for my sons as I. I will never say anything bad about you or turn my sons away from you, however I expect the same respect. I want you to know that they are my world. The pieces to my heart and without them I would shatter. So their time with you is without me and know I am aching without them. I know they can be frustrating and it is difficult to love someone else’s child the way that you love your own. I know that there are things you would do differently and probably do differently. And that’s ok. You aren’t me. The time you do have with them I want to be well spent. You are going to be apart of their life. You are going to be someone they talk about. I don’t worry that you will ever intentionally hurt them, but when you took a step to be with someone with children that hurt could potentially be there. You may be there when one of my sons have their first heart break. How will you handle it? What will you say? You may be there when my sons have a bad day? How will you make it better? Those are things I question because I know what I would do, but the reality is I may not be the one they go to. It may be you. All I ask is to have me in mind when you parent my sons. Take into consideration that they do have a mother. Take in consideration how I would feel about a situation. Take in consideration what I would do. Please don’t cross lines. Do not take away firsts from me. Those are things I will never get back. Even if you do see something before I do such as one of them riding a bike without training wheels, getting straight A’s on a report card, or writing their name for the first time. Let me see it for myself. I know things will happen out of your control. I don’t feel bitter towards you. I know missing things with my children comes with the territory of not being with their father. Just know it isn’t you I’m frustrated at. I also want to thank you for caring for them. I want to thank you for helping provide for them. I want to thank you for being a positive female role model to them. I want to thank you for helping on homework and taking days off work when they are sick. I want to thank you for holding them when they cry. Most importantly, I want to thank you for loving my children.